Letter to Rams, idiot from last night

Dear Mr. John Shaw (president of the Rams),

First of all, I would like to thank you for your service to the St. Louis Rams for the last 13 years. However, 13 is an unlucky number. Currently the Rams have lost 15 of their last 18 games. I understand that teams can go through slumps, but we're not competitive anymore. Unfortunately, I blame you for everything. First of all, you live in Los Angeles. How can you run a midwest NFL Franchise while living on the west coast? Answer is: you can't. It's a joke that you even tried. I guess somebody brought this to your attention in 2003, because it's then that you promoted Jay Zigmund to run the operation. While it's good that you hired someone in St. Louis to run the franchise. I hope someone told you he was the Rams ACCOUNTANT. How could you put a glorified accountant in charge of making FOOTBALL decisions? This is absurd. I can't tell who's judgement is worse, yours for putting Jay in that position, or Jay's for the players he's selected in the last 5 drafts. You're both idiots, and you definitely deserve each other, but do the right thing. Step down. You've had a good run. Well, actually you haven't. But we'll say you did because you didn't have a chance to mess up 1999. In the sport of football, it takes 1-2 years to turn a franchise around. Jay has had 5 years. In that time, 13 NFL teams have gone from last place to first place the following year. We've played in the weakest division in football for the last 4 years, with nothing to show for it. I hate what you've done to my team. On behalf of all Rams' fans, you owe us an apology. We can't get rid of the coach, until we get rid of you.

Thank you and good day,

MM


Last night, a buddy and I are at the gym playing basketball. We're shooting around, warming up, when this guy walks in. He's 5'8" on a good day. You can tell he has a chip on his shoulder by the "tough guy" look on his face. He joins us for the shoot around. Normally, when a rebound comes your way, you grab it and shoot. Not this guy. He grabs it, runs to the rim, and TRIES TO DUNK. There are so many things wrong with this picture. First of all, he could barely touch the rim. Anyone who's familiar with dunking realizes you must be able to get the ball and your hand, over the rim, in order to stuff it down. I thought that was common knowledge. This Napoleon guy tries at least 5 times. With each attempt, he leaves the rim and backboard shaking. Which is really cool if everyone else is trying to shoot. Finally, amazed at this display, I ask Webster if he's ever MADE a dunk. He immediately gets on the defensive, tells me how many dunks he's "made", and then offers up that he went to Maryland and played there. Wow, I didn't remember asking. And I didn't realize we were in the presence of a star. An actual Division-I basketball player. That's impressive. What didn't impress anybody was the fact that my friend, who plays basketball once or twice a week, ran his ass up and down the court. Oh, if coach Gary Williams could've seen him now. Getting worked by a 5'6" out-of-shape Asian in a pick-up game. He might have lost his scholarship. Worse yet, I'm sure his NBA Draft stock dropped. Better call his agent, he many no longer be a top-5 pick... Obviously, this guy doesn't realize how ridiculous he is. He's been short his whole life, and hates everyone else for it. After we beat him I looked over and said," Back to the lawn you came from Gnome". Ok, well I didn't say that, but I meant it!